This Photo Is Everything That's Wrong With Our Prime Minister

This photo is everything that’s wrong with our Prime Minister.

Last week John Key paid a visit to “Mike West in the Morning” of Manawatu’s More FM.

I knew he was going to be on because Mike Facebooked it, saying that he had a surprise in store for the Prime Minister.

Of course, if he said that in other countries we’d be asking which Caribbean island he was being water boarded in right now.  But this is New Zealand and no alarm bells rang.

Instead the leader of this country walked into a regional radio station where he was presented with a comb over wig to wear.

I don’t know if this was some savage commentary on Donald Trump’s failed presidential dalliance. But somehow I don’t think so.

I assume that is was “wacky Radio 101”, where a stunt is concocted to make an interview more memorable.  Though, much and all as I love your work Mike, a visit to the $2 dollar shop for a wig is not exactly comedy gold.  I mean, a visual joke…on the radio?

Anyhow, the point is, THE PRIME MINISTER PUT IT ON!!!

And then allowed a photograph to be taken wearing his goofy grin, which then spread around the globe on the web!

And this is because this Prime Minister has a pathological need to be liked.

And because he needs to be liked, his government did not repeal the Labour spend up from the previous term that aided the middle class more than the poor.

And because he needs to be liked, his government continued with his promised tax cuts that aided the rich instead of the poor.

And because he needs to be liked, the reforms to be announced on Thursday will not come into force until after the election so he can claim that we like them and therefore we like him.

And now here we are with more debt than ever before and an economic policy that doesn't know if it's Arthur or Martha.

I’ve just been reading about the 2010 budget that raised the GST and cut the tax.  Everyone said it would only work with growth.  Well what happened?  2 Earthquakes, some floods, some big bills to bolster failed finance and insurance companies and unfortunately not enough growth.

While many have said what this country needed was a true centrist, John Key’s management of the economy has been as goofy as that grin he’s wearing in the photo.

But at least he’s likeable.

It’s time to put a line in the sand and save this country.

For some time I have been concerned about my home.

These Shaky Isles are the size of Great Britain with a population of Sydney at the end of the world.  No-one is farther from any market than us.

But we all expect to run a first world country in a massive country with a miniscule population.

And yet philosophically our majority believes in small government, low taxes and an open economy.

We can’t afford it.

I see New Zealand like my mum’s house.

She lives in a big house in Remuera.  But all she has is the pension.  A pauper in a gilded cage.

So we stand at a crossroads if we wish to keep our cage. 

Misguided “philanthropists” cost the country 1.7 billion dollars and yet his supporters fail to see his greater disservice to the country.

2 colossal Earthquakes take a city out and yet many in other cities think it’s business as usual. 

An insurance company fails and the government that asks less from it’s people borrows more to save it. 

We live during the most damaging financial slowdown in living history and a lifestyle built on debt. Debt based on the sands that are our houses and yet tax cuts are gratefully received.

It’s time to get real.

I believe in capitalism.  I believe in competition.  I believe in personal responsibility. I also believe in collective responsibility and community.

It is time to be personally responsible to save our capitalism, competition and lifestyle.  It’s also time to collectively band together to save our people and our weak.

It’s time for a real third way.  But all we have is the language of polar opposites.  So here’s a start.

If the government were to come to me today and ask for more of my income to see us through I would say, “Yes!”.

I would say yes if the government promises to shelve idealogy and house the homeless, fix the cities and clear the debt.

Deal to student debt, deal to regional debt, deal to national debt.  

And then having fixed our fundamental systematic mistakes over the past 30 years find a more realistic way of existing.

And the people have to take off their “Am I better off?” blinkers and ask themselves, “Are we better off?”.

Right now the Government and the People have to work together. The People have to take off the default “government hate” mode and the Government has to become something we can trust with our futures.

I have not heard anyone come up with a model that suits our unique circumstances in my entire adult life. 

All I’ve heard is hollow men chant shallow mantras from the left and the right.

I’ve been saying to all that listen that 2011 is the time for a real leader to come.  I just ain’t seeing one yet.

Lawyers, Campervans and Wakas

Your talkback topic of the day.

 

The government t is giving an Auckland based hapu nearly 2 million dollars to build a plastic waka for the Rugby World Cup.

 

Not the best time to be giving governement money away when people are moving into a campervan village in Christchurch and being asked to pay 337 dollars a week for the privelege. 

 

By the way, the 150 camper vans have become a new suburb.  Campertown?  Christcamp? Or maybe Camperbury

 

Or should that money go to getting Pike River involved in it's own inquiry.

 

It may be uncharted territory but this is the company's responsibility.  It is their processes that are being investigated and so this cost is part of running a mining company.

 

The receivers have decided it's better to repay the shareholders than get to the bottom of the tragedy to make sure we never have 29 dead again.

 

Meanwhile Judge Pankhurst opened the inquiry with a minute's silence

 

He said his job is to find out what happened and why for the future

 

He also said no-one is on trial, there are no sides and no-one will win or lose at the end of the process.

 

But looking at the room and thinking about the receivers decision you know there will be a winner.

 

The lawyers.

You know you're in Christchurch when.....

     

• Geonet/Christchurch Earthquake is your homepage
• People all over the country offer you a place to stay
• “Munted” and “buggered” are official technical terms
• You go 'pfffff' when Wellington has a 4.5 earthquake that's 40km deep
• You see a nice park in another city and think it would make a good evacuation point
• You sleep in one suburb, shower in another, collect water from yet another and work elsewhere.
• You drive on the right side of the road and no one thinks it's wrong
• You are happy two Policemen came for a visit
• Your bike becomes your best friend
• You think it's fine for a soldier to be stationed at the end of your street
• You see armoured vehicles driving down the road
• A portaloo is a status symbol
• It’s normal to greet people with “do you need a shower?”
• A bucket of shit is no longer that old car you drive
• Every house is a crack house
• Instead of rushing to the clothes line to get clothes in when it rains, you put dirty washing on the line in the hope that it will rain enough to clean them
• Going to Wellington to escape earthquakes makes sense
• Your doctor recommends having a few stiff drinks before bed to help you sleep
• You know how to start and refuel a generator
• You have tied the pantry, liquor cabinet and all the cupboard doors closed and it's not to keep kids out
• You prefer to sit under the table instead of at it
• You think electronics that have "shock proof" labels should say to which earthquake magnitude
• You know and actually understand the terms and conditions of your House and Contents insurance policies
• You can see irony in claims about houses made of “permanent materials”
• Your en-suite has a vege garden, dog kennel and grass
• You and the cat fight over digging a hole in the garden!
• Your teenagers are only too happy to sleep in the same room as their parents
• You stop using the term “built like a brick shit house”
• Dressing up to "head into town" means putting on a hi-viz vest, hard hat and boots
• Discussing toilet habits with total strangers is an everyday norm
• Wee boys don't get excited when they see (another) digger or a dozer - but all the adults in the street cheer wildly
• Voluntarily staying in Timaru for five days seems like a good idea
• You know what that extra gear lever on your 4X4 is for
• Metservice includes a graph for dust
• You have dust mask tan lines
• You can use the term "liquefaction" in everyday casual conversation, even your 3-year old can understand.
• A massive group of students appears in your street, you feel overwhelmed with gratitude instead of calling the Police. What’s more, the students leave the street in better condition than when they arrived
• The answer to where anything is ... it’s on the floor
• You smile at strangers and greet people like you’re one big family

Auckland. The slum that's been given a makeover

WHOOPEE!!

THWACK!!

WHOOPEE!!

THWACK!!

WHOOPEE!!

THWACK!!

So here I am on my trusty couch watching Yanina Wickmayer play tennis at the ASB Classic 2011.

Why does Wickmayer say WHOOPEE everytime she hits the ball?

Apparently it helps with the timing of the shot but as things stand it looks as though Yanina will meet Grunting Maria Sharapova in the final.

WHOOPEE!!!

EEUHHH!

WHOOPEE!!!

EEUHHH!

WHOOPEE!!!

EEUHHH!

Holy Cow.  The birds in the domain won’t know what’s hit them.

But this is one of my pleasures of  summer.  I’ve been going to Stanley Street or watching it on the TV for as long as I can remember.

Back in the day it was the Benson and Hedges Open.  Tobacco paying for players to puff for our entertainment.  On grass! Onny Parun with a piece of string in his mouth to keep his body from falling apart and his chin taking out the eyes of the front row. And that Hat!!!

Brian Fairlie.  There was an athlete’s body.

One lunged Kelly Evernden.  How come his chest was symmetrical when it was missing half it’s innards?

And brave Brett Steven battling late in the night to be the bridesmaid but how we cheered.

Yes my arse bears the scars from the concrete of the Yock Stand.  Possibly the worst grandstand in professional sport today.

But this year we see that Stanley Street has been zjuzzed with a new permanent clubhouse and stand on the southern end and I’m proud to say as an Aucklander that it looks like a dog’s breakfast. Oh eventually it's going to look flash they say

But today, Centre Court now has stands on all 4 sides.  And none of them relate to the other at all.  It’s ad-hoc mayhem.  It’s a mess. But that’s what we do.

Eden Park.  4 different designs. 2 different coloured seats.

Mt Smart.  3 different stands and nothing on the north side.  U2 had to bring their own for that side.

North Harbour.  Well we only got halfway through that one.

Comparing our kit with the Cake Tin, re-developed Lancaster Park and Dunedin’s new indoor wonder should never be done as we will only start self-harming.

Idiosyncratic, higgledy-piggledy, cheap.  Like a slum that’s been given a makeover. That’s the Auckland we all love.

ZB Albums of the Year and a Blondie/Pretender Review

I do the music reviews every Saturday on Newstalk ZB. It's a mainstream review programme so you won't find anything edgy on it but for what it's worth here are my picks for Albums of the Year from ZB.

New and noteworthy. The Naked and Famous Passive Me, Aggressive You and Kids of 88. 2 Kiwi bands who could take over the world with a new form of disco punk. Honourable mentions to Julia Deans Modern Fables and Anika Moa Love in Motion for songcraft.

It's been a great year for Kiwi Pop with Opshop and Dane Rumble releasing mega selling professional records.

But the best Kiwi album by far was The Phoenix Foundation’s Buffalo. The kiwi album I’ve played the most. The sound of summer in Wellington. Samuel Scott has a voice and a way with a line that is timeless.

 








Best in Popular Music

Last year it was Lady Gaga and her influence carried on this year. But the rise of Adam Lambert with For Your Entertainment is something. His concert was amazing and his voice is truly awesome. And his fans are nuts. A YouTube recording of my ZB review got posted on a fansite and within a week there was over 3000 views. Of a review!! He’s a keeper

Special mention to late albums from Eminem and Kanye West, who have shown that rap is not braindead as long as it’s in the hands of people who have lived a little.

But the single of the year comes from the pop album of the year in commercial terms. It has to be Katy Perry’s Teenage Dream. I haven’t met anyone who is not uplifted by Katy’s song about being young and gorgeous in skin tight jeans.

Best in Grown Up Music

For grown ups I’m very fond of Robert Plant’s Band of Joy. Less rootsy than Raising Sand and more rock n roll and I didn’t mind that a bit.

The 2 saddest records of the year were Neil Diamond’s Dreams. The ultimate loners CD. And the final American Recordings from Johnny Cash which was the sound of a dead man gurgling from beyond and put a chill down my body the first time I played it.

Great albums I never reviewed but should have

The National, High Violet. Somber. Brooding. Beautiful.

Vampire Weekend, Contra. Smart intelligent rock pop that borrows from South Africa and Connecticut and everywhere in between.

And Canada’s Arcade Fire, The Suburbs. The sound of hissing lawns past. Bruce Springsteen but not in a V8 but in a 95 Honda Civic.

But finally 2 reissues could be the albums of the year as they got me loving the music all over again.

The Stones Exile on Mainstreet. Debauched 70’s classic which made me feel as though I was born too late.

Bruce Springsteen Darkness on the Edge of Town. Reissued a fortnight ago. As a young punk I hated Bruce. Now with the benefit of hindsight I realize he was doing just the same as the punks and raging against the hard economic and social times.

The re-issue also includes the album The Promise. A double CD of 21 songs that didn’t make the cut for Darkness and yet are so good that The Promise could be the best album this year even if it was recorded more than 30 years ago. The upbeat coda to the downbeat record of the 70s.

___________________________________________________


There's been some criticism of the reviews of Blondie and The Pretenders. People seem to think the papers send fans to the gigs who then write fawning reviews. So for the record, some of my thoughts

#1 The Pretenders were definitely the headliner. The new songs from Break Up the Concrete stood up besides classics like Message of Love and snarly greats like Precious. Guitarist James Walbourne's solo work was inspired and had a unique sound and Kiwi bass player Nick Wilkinson was sinewy. In fact I think Chrissie has finally replaced James Honeyman Scott and Pete Farndon.

#2 Chrissie's voice was amazing. I loved the way she hitched up her skinny jeans at the end of each song. I definitely would.

#3 The sound mix for Blondie was terrible. Clem Burke's amazing drum performance was buried and I understand there was a bass on stage but I couldn't hear it.

#4 Guitarist Jim Kessler ruined songs with his hystrionically over worked wailings. When he put the guitar behind his back to play you knew he has no idea of the New York cool that Blondie brought to pop.

#5 Songs that reviewers thought were new were not new at all.

#6 Debbie sang great though the echoey mix made me think that we were listening to the monitor mix.

#7 Blondie's synth player was also on his own sick trip.

#8 Blondie's songs were pop masterpieces.

So all in all a good gig. Blondie was fun for the girls and their lit up cocktail glasses and their memories. The Pretenders were good for 2010 with a fabulous back catalogue. Though I would have been very happy to have heard Mystery Achievement or Private Life

Confessions of a Virgin Talkback Host

And so I have become the shepherd of the misinformed and the misanthropic but also the hopeful and the caring. Talkback is everything it’s cracked up to be but also a continual surprise.

Filling in for Kerre Woodham recently on Newstalk ZB was an eye opener.

It’s easy to have low expectations from night time talk but just as a sigh starts to build in your soul something marvelous happens.

Discussing why it’s best to transport bees at night with a tax agent suddenly turned into one of the more perspicacious economic assessments I’ve heard in a while. China’s stuffed, Europe’s stuffed and America’s been stuffed ever since the Marshall Plan set in force a fundamental shift in the world’s economy that no-one saw coming.

Meanwhile the government throws money at dodgy banks to keep the economy alive, while the IRD is going out of it’s way to close down small and medium businesses having a tough time in the recession.

That caller could see the long term effects of short term thinking, disappointingly most could not.

On the jailing of a 14 year old for shooting dead his cousin, most callers had no sympathy and said throw away the key and let him rot as though the grooming of Bailey Junior Kuariki never happened.

While the father’s actions in covering up the killing was seen as acceptable as blood is thicker than water and whanau is all. And no-one saw the double standard. To me the kid needed a second chance while the Dad was morally bankrupt and beyond redemption.

On the economy, the problem is apparently our productivity which will never match that of China’s. But no-one was prepared to forsake our lifestyle for that of a worker in Guangzhou.

Everyone agreed the government is spending more than it earns but no-one wanted to give back their tax cuts.

And everyone wanted a first world society but no-one knew how to do it when we’re just 4 million people effectively living in a very big house that’s really expensive to maintain.

Now, maybe I’m a strange kind of talkback host.

A liberal free marketeer and a laissez faire humanist. Or, in other words, a pragmatist.

But please we all know the problems, the real genius is in the answers.